I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
