Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
