pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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