there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
