Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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