You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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