Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
