Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
they're like a gay fantastic four
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
