I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
