Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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