Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
