Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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