In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
