I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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