Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
