Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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