Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
