I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
