Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
