i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
