I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
well you can't waste a boner
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
