Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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