I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish you could order shots online.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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