yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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