becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
