Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
