just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
