Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
3 2 1 whiskey
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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