this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize