ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
