the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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