tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
