I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
