I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He better not be in your backpack
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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