I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
