Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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