i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
