Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
