My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
