perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
