Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
