these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dicks are not precious.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
