she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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