Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
