This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
