In the future we'll all be gay
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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