I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
