dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
