Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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