3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
