So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
