Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
