pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
