Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
