Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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