I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
