I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
