Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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