I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
