He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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