you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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