Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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