Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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