I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
