oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
