Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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