I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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