Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize