Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
