Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
