I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
