Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
