I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was confusing and full of hummus
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
