Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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