porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
