You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize