I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
