Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I supernannyed him into submission
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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