Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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