I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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