thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you didnt know i had herpes?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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