is your mom at the bar?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
