My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I enjoy the company of your penis
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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