i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
