Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize