my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
