Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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