The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
