and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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