why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
