did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
