I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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