So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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