Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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