You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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