4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
