a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
