and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
